Tuesday, September 30, 2014.
Where do I begin?  I did accomplish caulking the wood frames on the first window, which also happens to be the only single window really.  I could not believe how relieved and 'back to normal' I felt getting one done.
See, there is so much more to this story, the building and I.  Often I am humbled because never in a million ga-zillion years did I ever dream I would be doing this.  Well, just as I wrote yesterday, I vividly recall and relive the moments, like crying in the parking lot in the blizzard when I thought there was no way to fix the building, much less own it.  Or the times watching the rain water pour off the sides onto the sidewalks - praying.... praying seriously for the trusses to hold.  Or the moments when all seemed hopeless, then I would walk inside and be stunned by the light through the windows, shining on its walls..... almost begging for the chance to build dreams of shadows and of silhouettes. Waiting.
I realized tonight that my procrastination with the caulking on Main Street was partially an admission that I now am in unknown territory.  I have done this work before, but what lies ahead is a far cry from working on grandparents' house. 
But not really.
It was not different at all.
As I sat outside the building, realizing I was.... scared.  Doubtful. Scared.  It felt like "Phase 2" for me.  Scraping off paint is one thing.  Now I build back.... it does not matter whether I am calling it 'historical preservation' or making it last one winter or maybe just trying to protect it for the season and make it look.....handsomer...
But, I had been succumbing to 'what-if-I-make-a-mistake'- itis.  One never really knows what causes a person to finally move.... to finally give it a try.
All it took was opening the door, walking in, feeling the cozy warmth of the day lingering inside the building, then seeing my favorite wall lit by the street for me to call out 'oh, you are so handsome'.  I have to try....I had to.
And so I did...
It would be wonderful to boast about my caulking or other practical near-carpentry or even common sense type skills..... but.... no, no I cannot make such a claim.  But a person does it.  I just did it. 
And, it felt great!  Not perfect.  But, I caulked until 41 degrees (according to what I have read, 40 degrees is the limit on silicone / acrylic) ... well, truthfully until I finished the tube.

That is tonight's story.  I cannot describe adequately how scared I was by the thought I may not do 'justice' to the building.... fear.  Later, I thought again about the time sitting in the parking lot, crying.  What hurt so bad then was the lesson of love from the building.... it taught me first, what love is... at least, what it is to me.  Tonight, I learned again.  I am still not sure exactly, but the lesson I needed, not to think about, to feel, in my heart, was one of fear.

And it was a lesson, a reminder, that the journey is the goal.  This, right now, is my dream.  I just did not know it.  I love imagining what it will be when it is able to be occupied.  But I know when that happens, a part of me will live in this time.... when I was too scared to start caulking on Main Street windows;  when I fantasized about cleaning the inside during the winter months. 

And I will smile.  And my heart will burn just a bit at the memory.

But.....

I have a new fantasy.  Because I sat crying outside in the blizzard, how will I feel.... with a new roof on the building....

Watching the blizzard..... the swirling snows....

From....

Inside, looking out....

.....thoughts like that?  Well, those types of dreams might cause me to roof it myself....

Kidding.

But, now I am stunned wordless. I never thought.  I never imagined.  I never planned on how 'full circle' it will be....

Listening and watching from behind those bricks, those bricks which stood... those bricks which stood all these years.... as winter comes....

Dear God... How did I ever get so Blessed?  Thank you.  Thank you so much for the chance to follow my heart.  Thank you for this dream - this path, this journey.  May I do it honorably..

Love.... And Blessings...
~stephanie


How do you eat an elephant? = How do you fix windows?

...One at a time......

Monday, September 29, 2014
I feel a bit lost, on days like this one, which pass without work on the building.  By the time I got there this evening, I was still debating with myself on the wisdom of caulking as the temperature dropped lower and lower (43 degrees Fahrenheit) and the time grew later and later.

I decided to check the building, but once I arrived and concluded my self-debate, I decided that photographing each window on the main level, would be wise for planning.  With each window or set of windows I can form a list, tailored for each one.  I am excited at the possibility of organizing the work which needs to be done!

These wood framed windows need only two panes replaced, but they need a great amount of caulking for the existing ones.  There are also four window sections which need mechanical repair on the top portion of the double hung structure.  For this year I think I am going to cover the gaps with wood furring strips backed by spray foam gap filler.  By doing so I protect the existing window parts temporarily, then I can look at them again next spring.  Plus that type of repair can be painted.

I think the keys with these windows are caulking, then puttying them.  Tuesday afternoon. I must start!

OH! I forgot great news!  Remember the lawn mower which came with the building?  Turns out it is functional!  The repair shop can do it!!!

More stories... for another day.
Thank you!
Love and Blessings....
~stephanie

Sunday, September 28, 2014.
Two broken panes....I needed to break two before I got the hang of it.  One is done.  I am glad of two things:  1) I began on the alley side of the building and 2) the pane being replaced was Plexiglas. 

All those instructions about not repeating the score...pfft.  I had to! Tap, tap with the metal ball, then snap with pliers.  After breaking two panes and the same amount of not-very-ladylike streams of exclamation, I have to admit dancing Rocky-style when I snapped the long shreds of glass along the cut.

Oh! And I found a sanding gadget for the drill! (I guess it was a pretty obvious addition, now that I think of it, but when I bought it, I had no clue.... until I saw it.... at the hardware store!

Cleaning another window produced a similar reaction!

I needed to return to the building later on Sunday.  I had high hopes of one more fix-it, but I decided to walk around outside, looking and visioning.  I stood across the street, in the neighboring parking lot.  It was the same spot that only six or seven months ago, I sat in the Jeep, crying - bawling really, in the snowstorm.  It was the day I said good-bye to the building.  A blizzard was swirling snow all around me.  I thought it was the journey's end for us.

Now, I own it!

I apologize - the tired's have returned... coincidently, any writing ability I might have had, seems to have 'exited left.'

May you have a wonderful week!  Especially:  Thank you!

Love and Blessings,

~Stephanie

Ps. (sorry...) Saw a shooting star, right there, by building...  sweetness...

Saturday's writing ~ Saturday, September 27, 2014.
So Step, how many windows did you get in today? Um, zip.... Turns out that I need to measure better... but, I overestimated which is a good thing.  Trip to hardware store.  And that is never ever a bad thing!
Plus, it was "one of those funny things".... because had I not needed to go to the hardware store for a glass cutter, I never would have conversed, asked questions, and came away with  these little metal brackets I will need to putty when I fix some of the wood frame windows.  Makes total sense too.  Of course those panes would need brackets to hold them tightly in their frames.
Unfortunately, by the time I returned to the building to trim the glass, I realized I needed a snip / cushion type pliers-thing.  (I wish I had a better memory - I remembered the steps:  1) Score the glass - just once, no more, 2) Tap, tap, tap along the cut .....and here is where I goofed... I imagined just snapping the glass.  No!!  3) Grab the glass with the pliers-thing and snap it quickly with a good, strong jerk.
Live and learn.
I was thrilled - thrilled - thrilled today though to get the first pane out of its metal frame.  It is really goopy.  First I cut the existing caulk with a utility knife, then scraped it out.  Sometimes, more like chopping, but eventually the pane could pop out.  I started on the alley side of the building, on one of the panes which had been replaced with Plexiglas.  I figured just in case, I am not near a sidewalk and I am not starting on what could be old, brittle glass.  Plexiglas seemed like a safe trial run - a good practice to get my method in place.
Part of the thrill was cleaning the exposed metal frame.  I chopped the old caulk, scratched it with a metal brush, then sanded it.  When I saw the nice grey/silver sheen of steel.... man, oh man, nice!  Of course I had already sliced open the tube of caulk before measuring, only to realize:  Um, oops, measured wrong.  And just ever so slightly wrong.
I had only ordered five different panes.  Once I replace with these new pieces, I will order more.  Glass is surprisingly heavy!  Just a bit at a time, but steadily.  As I replace individual panes I will clean that particular window in total.
I took measurements for the tempered glass in the doors.  Yeah, I know.  Measure three times, Steph.  Hopefully early this week I will hear if the individual wishes to build my carriage doors.  In the original building, the west-facing garage door was actually a carriage door (I am thinking three panels..).  The roof and the carriage doors I would like to be my big expenses for this first phase of renovation.  The windows and the other doors I am hoping to fix myself.  Hopefully...
*Oh - my color inspiration of the other night?  Mmmmm.  No.*

Huge, huge news:  The metal trusses for the roof?  There are four! Four!  Why did I not see that before?  Four. Four. Four.  I am so excited.  They are beautiful and...80 - 85 feet long, west to east wall, the ends being braced by the masonry walls themselves. Oh! They are gorgeous! I even videoed them!  (Still debating whether or not to upload the video..) All along I had taken pictures of the 'x's' created by the tension rods between the trusses, but I had failed to see that there were four! 

Maybe I will upload the video tomorrow...

Oh - and a package with material samples of architectural windows from friends!  I call it more 'dreaming material'!!!

Lessons of the building today? Enjoy it.  Just enjoy it...

Thank you.  Love and Blessings!
~stephanie

The building needed a cross.  I received it from friends years ago - Sweet!

 

 

Not only did I get the Pexiglas window out, but the top window can now open!



First sight of nice metal!





Saturday, September 27 (Friday's writing.... on Saturday... what I would have written on Friday or for Friday... had I written!)

Yep, it has been that kind of week! 
But it is all good.  I am constantly amazed at life, and this week being an example, because it is true, that some of the best growth in a person's life comes out of the most difficult of times..  That, and that the lessons life hands you may not be the ones you signed-up for, but they are yours. 
*sigh*
That is enough philosophy - it is the weekend!  Time to yank out meaning and all that jazz by preparing windows for winter.  Good news!  Latest advice received on windows ~ any protection at all, any improvement at all will help with the winter and, most importantly, can last through one season.  What a huge relief.  I mean, I am willing to study products (silicone, acrylic or combination of the two for caulking), but I will be no expert in the next month.  I know that.  I just want to be reasonable.  Do my best.
Get it done.
But it gets scary at moments, wondering if I am doing it at least 50% correctly. Or does it matter at all?  I have my plan. I know the tasks I need to accomplish in order to protect the building for the winter.  Yet, I wonder.  All the time.  Most of the time I can 'do' and 'wonder'.  Sometimes though I forget the elephant principle.
I would not change anything though.  I would not change what I am going through.  I would definitely not change my experiences with the building.
I am...." over the moon" about it all...
.
It probably is glaringly obvious ~ the metaphoric resemblance of the building restoration to my life.  Maybe in the scheme of the universe, maybe that is why, when it had sat unused for fifty years nearing demolition this year (listed as 'blighted property' last September! "Ugh!" I reply in the haughtiness of total disgust.... It was an armory and a school, for goodness sake!)

What was I saying?

Oh yes.  Maybe that is why, in the grandness only known to God, for some reason, this building and my dream... collided.  The lessons of the building?  I did not even know I needed to know. You know?  And it had to be a building...a seven-thousand-on-each-floor building, big enough to bring me down to size.  I was, you could say, a.... chomp. Chump? Chimp? You know what I mean.
Clueless. Still am.
But the building has taught me the first and best of all lessons:  Anything is possible when you follow your heart.

 

Over the summer my son and I drove out to South Dakota - an amazing road trip!  It was "America" and "art" and the passion of individuals.  The Crazy Horse monument by Korczak.  My son said to me, "Mom I know what your mountain is... It's the building.". I only mention here because people say the mountain and Korczak's work changed him.  There are drawings and plans he made, but his work changed who he was.  He did not plan that.

 

I was amazed at what would cause a person, what kind of passion does God put in us, in each of us, to do such things?  Many, many men.... to hang from a mountain way out in nowhere at the time... to carve four presidents' faces?  What causes that passion?  How about the passion of one, to not only work on those four faces, but then to carve another?  Of a First Nation leader? 

 

They followed their hearts.  He followed his.  That drumbeat no one knows but ones own soul, yes?  It is amazing how messed up a person can get though.  But, when you hear your own drumbeat?

 

Your mountain to carve might be a building.  Might be baking a cake.  Might be sweeping the floor...

 

Might be all the above. 

 

(Side note, and of great comfort to me:  Korczak was not a sculptor by training... Sometimes - and I wonder why - where our hearts lead us is far off the path for which we have prepared...)

 

Well, that is quite a beginning to the weekend.  Happiness!

 

To God, to everyone who has been with me on this journey, I cannot thank you enough..

 

Love and Blessings....

~stephanie

 

 



Thursday, September 25, 2014.
Scraped and cleaned windows.  Well, truthfully, more like one window.  Barely.  I missed being at the building, working, and making progress.  I don't even know if I made true headway.  I just kept thinking that maybe my efforts tonight were not 'bites of the elephant' but 'nibbles'!
I am prepared for my next step - caulk!  Visited this side of heaven:  the hardware store!  (Two kinds of caulk and the appropriate gun for the work... insert big *sigh* here). That will be my weekend project.
I keep imagining what winter will be like.  Think of it:  No worries of leaking.  Sunny winter days, opening up windows to let it breathe ~ airing out.  Get a dumpster to start serious work on the inside. Ahhhhhh!  Too exciting.  The roof is my benchmark. I know I have said it a million times....

One tube for window work;  the other for touching-up around the glass block. I also think I am close to picking colors for the window frames.  Usually such a choice takes me forever. I keep reminding myself "tick tock, Steph.".  With winter coming I have to choose, then do.

But you want to know what just happened?  I am totally serious.  Totally.  Just as I was typing "I have decided upon colors for the framing," I have a new inspiration.  No kidding.  It kind of hits me too.  I think it could be right.  Where do ideas come from?  I mean really.  Out of the blue I get a flash of what the colors should look like. 

Looks like a return to the hardware store...

I actually had deep and meaningful thoughts to write from the day, but I think Thursday's lesson at the building, again, is nibble.  A nibble is a bite, just a bit smaller... Still a bite though.

Thank you!  Love and Blessings!
~Stephanie
Ps:  When I leave the building now, I take one last look through the windows.  There is something magical about remembering the wishing for the building, now here it is.  Wishing wishes and remembering wishing those wishes.  I think it is good to wish from the inside the dream just as I had done from the outside...

Wednesday, September 24, 2014.

Hi! Happy Jewish New Year! Rosh Hashanah. May it truly be a year of sweetness...  No work on the building ~ I would like to lay blame on the rain, but truth is I am a bit tired.  Of course, I still check on him, but not just peek through windows.  No, now I walk through...

Then I peek through the windows...

I have noticed in these last three weeks that progressively.... he seems smaller.  No longer, cavernous.  Oh, he is big.  Seven thousand square feet on each level.  Huge!  But walking around or standing there, especially on the ground level, he feels like....

Home.

Warm.

He houses more and more of my thoughts and dreams, protected by a foot and a half thick, solid brick walls.  Right or wrong, I cannot determine.  But true. 

Tired.  I walked around just looking, feeling guilty for not working on something or not thinking or planning or analyzing or dissecting.  Feeling silly for spending so much time.... feeling.  As I was leaving I did conclude though, that perhaps it is these kinds of times - the times when you almost actively do nothing - that really lay the foundation for those dreams.  Without time to stare at windows guarded by massive concrete pillars, maybe a person would miss the comfort of knowing those pillars.  Without time to listen to the streets echoing inside, maybe a person might miss how warm and close ones footsteps sound on that concrete floor.

I think I could talk in circles all night about the building...

I bet when it was a machine shop, I bet it was happy.  And loud.  And warm.

I have so many people to thank as I travel this path.  I am grateful...

I wish you an overabundance of Blessings!

~Stephanie

*I forgot important progress:  Phone calls...I might have a mason for the chimney repair.... and spoke with roofer!!! (Perhaps a month away...). Getting that roof fixed is..... everything...

Sometimes it is good to look up, not know what it is..... Old ductwork.

 

 



Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Happy Autumn.... from 419 West Main Street!  You know, I cannot promise this blog will ever detail real 'manly man' type construction news... Sometime it will have to.  The things I do now are drops in the bucket, I know that.  Tonight, did I scrape or clean?  Nope.  I decorated!  This journey with the building - can you feel it?  As I wait for the roof, I dabble.  I do what I can.  The lower windows.  As I scrape, I study.  As I clean them, I dream.  My methodology is not the most direct in the world, but once again, the building teaches me. 
I absolutely love the process, particularly the worrying about weather - marking where water has drained and sat and dried.... for years.  I rejoice at the outlook for the next few days - sunshine!  My goal:  Replace panes and caulk!
One photo....

Artifact.

 

Thank you... And Blessings...

 

Dreaming of windows, roof, and....... treasures like the gas cap..

 



 ~stephanie

Monday, September 22, 2014
Monday was a Monday.... typically one of my favorite days of the week....(I am serious!)  But this one, this day, was... difficult. Personally. 

And the only reason I even bring up my personal life is "hope".  And "faith". And a dream.  At the end of the day, as I finished working briefly on the building, I looked through the alley windows as I had practically every night. 

That is when I saw it.  I saw what it should be.  I guess I saw it a long time ago, but did not wish to believe it or thought it wiser to debate internally and endlessly for some reason...

Nope.  I got it.  Do I want it?  Do I think it is right?  Yep and yep.  Is it possible? Yes. Will it be easy? Ppft.  Nope.  But, it could be the best...  I think it could be dreamy and lovely and enjoyable and "share-worthy"!!!

Sorry. I digress. Slightly... I just want to extend out there in the world that hope and faith are possible in the midst of ..... well, the building and I.... we are sort of 'kin', if you know what I mean. 

We are in this..... together.

My view through the alley windows, through the expanse of the main level.... to the Main Street side.  This is when I saw it...what the building, at least the main floor, should be.... ok, I will say it "What the building wants to be.."

 

Since I am all about the windows of late, here are a few more photos of "window - wood".

Why is this beautiful? I don't know. It just is.

The paper backing to the address numbers over the Main Street doors..left on the window sills inside...

Scraping and sanding inside... Handsome, yes?

Cleaning the first window outside tonight... again, noticed.... So, I include a photo of it here... I hope LW and SC, whoever they are, are living in love! (Plus, I have to sand it off... wanted to preserve..)

 





Monday....I have to admit, turns out, is really still one of my favorite days of the week...

Thank you.  Hope and Faith.  And Love.
Blessings!
~stephanie

Sunday, September 22, 2014
Hello!
Post rain:  I open windows, then check how much water has seeped in.  I always pray when I get to the second floor... my concern:  ROOF!

 

Every rain I check on this section of the trusses and rafters under the northwest part of the roof.  The weight of the water, plus the waterlogged wood, is causing bowing or sagging.  Oddly enough I think part of the support is now the metal piping which was added for wiring, but never connected.  In months past I looked at the pipes, shaking my head, wondering 'why'.  Now I am grateful for them.  Hopefully just a month away from repair and new roof! 

 

The rafters... Please, please just last one more month....

 

 

 

Water...I watch the water... fascinating.  Seriously.  On the main level, as it spreads, the edges swallow concrete dust.

 

 

On the main level... In the morning after the night rain..

 

 

 

 



 

More lessons from the building.... The last week or so I have been worried about windows.  I figure that it is the one thing I can do to satisfy my Phase I agreement with the city.  It is totally acceptable and understandable... the building can no longer look like it is abandoned.  For many practical reasons, but in my mind, the building cannot look uncared for, because..... well, it is mine!  I  have no beef about the Phasing.  In fact it was my idea.  The only way to save the building in any reasonable financial manner was the phasing proposal.  In no way could a person finish it all within a year.

 

My phases for outside alone are three and one-half years.  For everything:  Six years.  (Secretly I am striving for five years..)

Back to the important stuff:  my latest lesson.  All this time looking at the building.  Dreaming.  Visioning.  Planning.  AND I have been all about windows of late, I never noticed.... Look.  Look at these photos... See if you see what I first saw today. (I felt like such a bonehead.  How could I not see it?)

 

Taken from the outside.

Again, outside.

Outside. Nope, sorry. Inside.  I just think it is cool...

Outside.  Here is the photo.  See it? Look at those holes.

 



Give up?  Now, understand, this window is right where I park. I have looked at it every day (practically) for the past eight months... Never noticed one important fact....

 

 

The holes.  BB gun - hopefully not a shotgun!  But that is not the key.  I was amazed today.  The holes.  The gun was shot from the inside, not the outside. Can you imagine?

 

 

That was my big news of the day.  Tonight I tried treating the windows, getting the concrete dust and whatever else might be stuck to them.  I felt fairly successful until driving away, I noticed in the street lights, .... um, let's just say "not good".

It is peculiar to be at a new stage.  I had the scraping windows mini-phase in my head.  Now I need to start replacing panes, recaulk, and  prepare for painting.

 

I have to close with a photo of just... well, it is part of the cuteness of the building... He is not just an armory after all!



 



I am unsure what piece of machinery it comes from, but lying on the concrete windowsill, this cutie....

*sigh* And those are my tales for today.  Not mine actually.  The building's.

 

Thank you....And, Blessings.  Lots of love too. And dreams of happiness.  And buildings. And bricks...(and clean windows...ugh.)

~stephanie

 



Saturday, September 20, 2014.
Hi!
I would call it the perfect Saturday! I know I have called the building the "perfect Sunday building" and I think some-other-day-of-the-week type of building, never really having experienced a Saturday morning and afternoon there.  Not that it is all that important, I know.  It is not unique - every place has their own character and vibe, depending upon the day of the week.  And there are some vibes that seem to permeate the calendar altogether.
I think the building is one of those 'permeators'. 
I finished the first round of scraping the wood-framed windows.  The same panic occurred as I stepped back to look at the now exposed sills and faces.  I have made it look so rough.  On one hand I am happy to be this far.  On the other hand my heart drops a bit, seeing it so disheveled. 

My poor, dear building!  Looking rough.  Decisions:  Repair windows?  Just get them "weather tight" and nice looking?  Some combination of both goals? I am under deadline to weather seal by January 1. I am not sure at what point I will return them (the wood framed windows on Main and Genesee Streets' side) to the original look of big panes on the bottom and small squares decorating the top (of the main level windows).  Windows generally are, in themselves, at least to me, a primer in the lesson "How DO you eat an elephant? ...one...."

While scraping early morning, a buddy crawled around, weaving inside as I scraped outside.  I started snapping photos  ~ he seemed to turn to give me his 'best side'!  I remember how happy I was, when I discovered bugs and toads around the building...they were like my parakeets!  (While I enjoy all of nature and wildlife, I must admit I was very glad all summer that the occasional bat was just that....occasional!)

My true goal of the day was getting there early to finish scraping / first round.  Then, I thought I should see if I could start ordering replacement panes of glass.  Success at ordering;  surprise at the completion of the first four panes less than two hours later!!  While driving around town, of course I had to stop at the farmers market...I succumbed to the call of fall decorating items...  I know, I know. Pumpkins.  Corn stalks.  The building just needed some 'holidaying up!'

OK, I have to say it....Look at those gorgeous, handsome bricks!!! (Personally, I think I need practice on my display techniques, but....I have ideas for more!!!!!)

*(Side note:  While writing here, I take a few minutes to watch 'Open House NYC' on one of the digital/cable/satellite channels...Inspiration!! Lots of brick!  Plus, am I the only one who is intrigued with 'curtain wall'?)

Visitors today! (I need to have ready a guest book - seriously!)  A friend and his sister!  She could feel the vibe of the building, see possibilities.... yep. yep.)  People stop to offer advice and help.  How grand!!  It is a ....happy building.

(I really need to take notes during the day! There is so much to share!)

At the end of my workday, I sat, eating popcorn in the doorway, when I noticed a few details - which lead to my own wondering... More questions.  

How difficult will it be to restore those steel framed windows? And, how perfect are lines, the edges, where things meet? I like that.  There is something so beautiful about wood meeting concrete edged by steel guarded by brick.  Even when the wood is grayed, the wood is weathered imperfectly,, the concrete shows hairline cosmetic cracks, the metal has surface corrosion and the cement was painted...

I look at it in wonder.  I pray I work with results which honor the building.  Strange isn't it?  I was just goofing around, eating popcorn and drinking tea, sitting in the doorway in the sun....

It has to be one of my favorite photos...

Other visitors:  Pigeons (I should curse them, but they make me happy!)  And, one lone eagle who seemed to drift in from the river, over the parking lot across from the building, then glide back....

Did I mention that one lady stopped to tell me she thinks that perhaps parachutes were made here during World War II?  She was not sure.  I need a return visit to the historical society!

That, my friends, was my day at the building.  Full of traffic and people sounds and busy-ness and sunshine.

Randomness.  But, beauty... 

I thought there was a story....in the glass, the rope.  But sometimes - at least that is what I am finding - I should just look, soak it in, be delighted and light of heart.  I just like looking at the picture!!! Enjoy!

Hodge-podge writing!  But not hodge-podge working.  (well, maybe a little!)

Happiness.

Thank you!  And, Blessings..

~stephanie

  

Friday, September 19, 2014.
Hello.  I am switching up my schedule just a bit...No scraping tonight, but opening and shutting windows for ventilation and air circulation during the day. I always check on it at night though. Always.
Even when I did not own it officially.  I would check every night, looking through the windows and dreaming.  And praying.  I did a great deal of praying about this path.  I wondered a lot about why on earth I would try to beautify the building.  (I never wondered why I would save it, why I would renovate, why I would preserve it...  I never thought of the building that way.  It did not need me.  It stood all these years very fine without me, thank you very much.  True, it was slated to be razed, but maybe that was its destiny.)
That is when I learned of love from the building.  I loved it. I could not bear the thought of looking at its spot on Main and Genessee, and not seeing it.  That's just me.  It is a very personal undertaking - right or wrong and not meant as anything except that.  Love.
I could really beat this point to death, but I think plain and simple is best.  I love it.  I loved it then.  And tonight, I did the same things I did months ago.... I looked through the windows.  I parked in the neighboring lot to just look at it from a distance...just so I could visualize.  What does a person see?  What did I always see?
Tonight it occurred to me that I pray to remember:  Once in awhile it helps me to look from a distance, to wish for......
Something I already have. I remembered those months of wishing and planning and wondering.  Of tears and plans and meetings and boldly (gasp!) doing things I would never have dreamed possible.  At least in my life.

There are many lessons....This one is just the tip of the iceberg!  Tonight though - I thought of this one.  It was my first lesson from the building as I snapped endless amounts of photos, looked at it, walked around it, and pressed my nose against the windows.  
Every day.
Sometimes those lessons are black and white;  sometimes they are grey.  I am unsure as which this one really is, but like many lessons, its existence is independent of my understanding of it.  Someday I will, but maybe not today.  Maybe not ever.  All I know is that I love the building....it taught me how to start following my heart...Black and white.  Or grey...

Blast it all!! Isn't it the most handsome thing ever?  Sorry.  Correction.  Isn't he the most handsome?

Good night!  Thank you!  May you wish pleasant wishes... And, Blessings.
~stephanie

Thursday, September 18, 2014
Hi.
Making sense... Sometimes it is difficult to make sense of life.  What does it all mean?  And then there are days like today... when a person gets one of those funny feelings.... that somehow it is all making sense.  Even though a person could write endless notes and reminders and post-its and all sorts of and versions of 'electric shocks' as prompts for the time when, such as now, I would like to communicate it all... ugh!  And all those little details make no sense whatsoever either on their own little scrap of paper or in a pile.  Somehow looking at them all makes a person smile.  Then laugh. Then cry.  Yep.  It's life.  Pretty doggone fantastic.
I still have no clue why.
I might have one idea.  I scraped awhile.  Inside at night, I looked around that beautiful building and I felt a bit ashamed.  As I looked at how the light shines through those windows late at night and how proudly the concrete pillars stand, I smiled.  "This is good." I giggled.  "This could be... what if it all turns out better than good? I have a funny feeling...."
I had forgotten that feeling. I had let my mind reside in the valley of 'chances are slim' and all the other half-way versions of positive mindset which disguises as 'reality' but are sold to a person as 'do not want you to be disappointed'. Blah.
No. No. No.
I really like working the dream.  I mean, if I am scraping and I so love to scrape and dream about the details.... Why not go full-out positive?  Why not suck in that gorgeous warm street light romantic.... oops. Carried away = me.
But why not?
After all, this is going to turn out better than good....
And you know what?
I would never ever end a daily blog by being one step up from a blog-o-matic...
No.
I would end it thusly:
Happiness to all.  Dreams. Love and Blessings.
But mostly?
I thank God.

Beauty, on the inside...

Trusses. I love trusses. I know nothing of trusses...

 

Building came with a lawn mower.... being repaired at the shop down the street..

~stephanie

September 17, 2014.
Hi!
I have written this post in my head at least ten times today....details and observations... Now I find it difficult to write. 
Writing.. How do I write of the satisfaction of scraping?
How do I write about my 'coming to terms' with my terms?

I do not know, but tonight I do not need to solve that problem or answer that question..
Maybe it is all because I 'manage'.  
Maybe it is because I learned a bit about standing.....

From a brick building, my brick building....

Thank you!  ...And Blessings!
~stephanie

who?

wasn't kidding about the toads...they are always a good sign....Health!

Tuesday, September 16.
Hi!  Honestly I had to think twice what day it really was. Is. You know what I mean... More scraping and its wonderful.  The door handle?  Works!  But it is not pretty, my repair job which is really a certain type of glue.  Word of advice:  When a glue bottle says "Expands as it dries," trust it. It really did.  I ponder the chemistry behind all of it, but conclude nothing.  Typical.  And fun.
Good news and not to embellish or faun over the city, but I have been informed the street department will pick up my bags of weeds!  A very welcome and unexpected outcome!  I take these triumphs with much pleasure as this journey is a long one.  My progress, as you may get a sense of it already, is two steps forward, then sometimes one-two-or-three backward.
Yep, not worrying about garbage bags of weeds plus avoiding a 'clearing the lot' ticket is like a double success!

Once again I have no new photos to share - my apologies, but I do have some pretty cool ones from the past few months.  As I look through them I notice that the windows' appearance from those photos to my scraping actually looks worse.  I know, I know.  The paint on these frames has to be scraped off as well as the old putty and paint on the panes themselves.  But it is a bit disheartening to look at the efforts of ones work and it looks rougher not better.  The only positive is that once in awhile, when I sand the wood....the smoothness and the grain and the clean lines....well, it just makes me smile.  Feels real. Oh! Plus, it could be my imagination, but I swear that from the inside looking out through those windows, they seem to sparkle a bit.  Impossible as I stopped treating them due to the moisture... Still, I swear they look....HAPPY!!!

(A good imagination I believe is critical to keep 'eating this elephant...bit by bit, bite by bite').

From July 24, 2014.  Looking at the Main Street entrance. I have about four different visions for the main entry and this area, including the wall to the right / east.

I think...that may be enough for today... (sigh...and, with a smile...)

I wish you many Blessings.. And, thank you.

~stephanie