Sunday, November 9, 2014
Days have passed since I had been inside the building.  Earlier this morning came weather forecasts of heavy, abundant snowfall in the next day to two days.  I love snow, but this is early.  Well, actually, Wisconsin?  It is typical.  We could have sixty degrees a week later, who knows?  My absolute first reaction startled me as I almost doubled up in a peculiar laughter.  Do you know how close I came to having the total worst scenario at the building?  The worst dilemma which I could be facing right now - talk about stressful - would be the most stable part of the roof to be exposed, four days into a three to four week project.  What then?  Sometimes I come so very, very close...
The delay in the roof repairs is now a godsend.  I did not second guess the decision to wait, but I winced a few times.  It stung.  But I would be faced with an astronomical decision now, given the predictions.
I looked at the building a few times today.  Every single time I do, I am joyful.  He is a miracle in my life which causes me to pendulum between pinching myself for a reality check to a dancing "lovefest" of belief.  I am amazed at this journey with the Matthias building because it was the first time in my whole life I followed my heart and soul.
Must be the snow.  And the holiday season.  I am wistful.  The snow reminds me of that dreadful day late last spring - sitting in my Jeep, in a blizzard, in the parking lot across from the building.  I was bawling my eyes out as I said good-bye to the dream.  My world - all of it - was falling apart.  I was failing at everything I touched.  Ever have those times?
And I kept praying.  Plus, a person just lives.  I mean, you still have to brush your teeth and do your stuff.  Life drumbeats on, nothing stops.... we all keep turning through the latest tempest du jour.  And it could always be worse. 
But that day in the blizzard...
But I could not forget.
I could not.
A month and a half later, I started again.  I found myself looking through the windows, praying, then making the phone call.  That began the process, the journey of which no one seemed surprised that I returned to, except for me.
..... 
I am as unsure why the delay in the roof repair is significant in this part of my journey as I am to what degree it really is.  Maybe it just is "one of those things".  I am just as unsure as why I practically skip through the building, checking on its condition.  I am joyful.  Hopeful.  I always whisper, "I have a funny feeling....". And then I do "the test".  I close my eyes, then turn away.  Turn back.  Open eyes. 

I smile.  Sometimes I laugh.  Once in a while I giggle even. 

Matthias?

Is a dream come true.

Believe.

Love and Blessings,

Thank you.

~stephanie