Tuesday, November 25, 2014/Wednesday, November 26, 2014/Thursday...


Happy Thanksgiving!
Thankfully I lost my writing from the past few days.  As I stared at a miraculous blue pine cone which humbly sat before me, waiting to be graded, I daydreamed about the phone call... 

Then I realized, not with ribbon-cuttings or press releases, not with plans and perfection, but my business began when I called to commission Christmas cards from a local artist.  It was the relationship and the community to build and renovate.

And my dream is making it beautiful.

That will be my life.

Grateful for stumbles and successes...
~Stephanie
Love and Blessings!

(sometimes a miracle is a little blue pinecone...)

Sunday, November 23, 2014.
I took a walk.  On a foggy Sunday.  Down a street usually driven but hardly ever walked.  What a shame I had limited my view of the building to only one side of that same street and to Main Street.  Can't say what made me desire a cup of coffee on this Sunday morning.  A curiosity perhaps if I could find one, walking from the Matthias building.  Maybe the fog called to me, "Wander, see what you should see."
I did find that cup of coffee, an idea, and views.  I saw the building differently among its streets and the neighbors which stand with it.  Off Main Street and looking from the other way, I turned to see it "backwards".  Someone driving a car north on Genesee would not turn to look back... it's a one way going north.  It points you away. But if you do the 'rear view mirror' thing, you might be surprised.  There is beauty, not of prettiness, but a beauty of utility - of grind and grit.  There are rusty painted over details and decals among brick patterns and boarded-over arched windows hiding behind main streets and streets which lead to parks and trees and swings.
So I got my coffee.  And it was good. (A walk is always a good thing).

My Matthias

My absolute favorite view of the building.  This is what it is.... It is this. It is what my heart felt when I looked at it, opposite the direction of the street.... no one cared I was there... dreaming, quietly and intently... and of course, intentionally after spontaneity led me on a 'cup of coffee' walk this Sunday morning.
 

The picture shows Matthias.  I was stunned - stopped and silenced.  What did I just do?  What did I just see for the first time?  This is Matthias.  This is the vision (no, actually, I just added that - at the time all I could manage was a 'whoa'.  Seriously).

I apologize for not writing these ten or eleven days, but the time has done me well.  My goal was writing each day, in part due to gratitude and in part because even on the days which hold no news, there is news.  I never believed I would be owning a building much less dreaming and planning of a business.  Every day is a story in itself.  I did not wish to be selfish with the journey.  But there is something to be said of quality.  I have been writing 'old school' in the meantime and handling a whole host of life issues not unlike anyone has to handle all the time.

So my break was a time of wondering about quality writing, giving thanks, sharing, and bringing it all together honestly.  Because here, today, standing here.... that building is honest.  I cannot stand, in love with bricks and twenty-one thousand square feet of space, and pretend 'honesty'.  The building is.  It just is.  For ninety years.  I have drawn comparisons of its history to the story of my life....I still feel that way, but to not embrace all of it is a mistake.  On both sides of the comparison.  Because on both sides, there were mistakes, goof-ups, neglect, 'good-try-tap-on-the-back', tears, and all the rest...

But intentional pretense?  Nope.  Not with three floors of seven thousand square feet!  That is honest.  I aspire to a lack of posing.  I have a funny feeling that my success will be dependent upon the attainment of such a goal.  (Does not mean, however, that a person cannot dress-it up a bit...I mean, Matthias has to be decked out for the holidays!!)

The Street

 

I know, too many photos...Like life, I go overboard, I do this, I do that....I am ridiculous and serious or ridiculously serious or seriously ridiculous (you could see that one coming.... what was that I mentioned about 'pretense'?  Hmm. Out.the.window).

 

On both the Matthias Building and my life, there have been some grand moments as well as heartbreak and muck-ups.  Yes, grand happy moments.  My dreams are based upon both because even on the side of Matthias which is scarred by a neighbor's turkey fire more than a decade ago and is now the parking spot for a mammoth dumpster, I found a view.

 

 

I found that if I lean into the building to look up at the newly mortared chimney, there is a beauty from a far different view than if I looked at it yards away.  But you have to be willing to lean right tight against brick, then bend back.  Sometimes life is like that too.  You got to put it all in, then bend.

 



 

Matthias

 

 



With coffee to-go cup in hand, I walked 'home'.  There he is.  The view from Main Street... and the other side of Genesee.  I am not changing my mind as far as the front face of Matthias.  But his beauty is his whole character... And I never quite saw him as I did this morning...

 

 

May your Sundays and every day present you with the chance to take a walk...

 

Love and Blessings,

Thank you.

~stephanie


Wednesday, November 12, 2014
I am finding that I am learning more about the building as I put other things together.  It is an odd lesson, but astonishingly true. It makes me wonder at the validity - contrivance or truth? Doesn't matter. the building is the potter's wheel and the knowledge of brick and dreams and mission and the ultimate question:  Do you believe?

I again stood before it, closing my eyes to ask the question:  "do you believe, Steph?"

Yes, yes I do.

Thankfully, 

Love and Blessings from 419 West Main ~ the Matthias Building,

stephanie

Tuesday, November 11, 2014.
Snow.  Lots and lots of snow.  The building is handsome, especially so with his brick against the white. (I am loving the dream of how to decorate for the holidays...)
However, I am not there yet.  First, since he was an armory, I must say "Happy Veterans Day"!  A horrible coincidence that the celebrations of veterans today occurred on the day of the heaviest, stormiest November days.  Wisconsin.  A person could curse, but it is so doggone beautiful!  Winter in Wisconsin is a confirmation of God's blessings... and, the reminder to be humble and have a sense of humor.
And then.... you own a building...  Now, I always wondered at the budgets of municipalities.  Seriously.  All these years I found it peculiar, the dollars allocated to salt!  Until now.  It is a beautiful problem to have - how can I complain?  I cannot.  I own a building.  The building!  But along the way, there are those lofty dreams of what he is destined to become, the lessons of life I can draw metaphorically from those thousands and thousands of bricks representing a history of pride, attempts at resuscitation, and also, of neglect, and then, there are some pretty "in-your-face" type learning experiences.  I can go through twenty pounds of salt like nothing!
Those types of problems I like.

Another dose of the practical concerns:  The roof held!  I do not even know what to write or think as I wonder "What happens when it melts?" or "What happens with more snow?". A mind can imagine at least ten different scenarios.  The shoring wall will set my mind at ease.  Engineers are designing it for the sole purpose of distributing the weight.  Nothing fancy - just a "splint".
It still is lovely inside.  Toasty, blocking the wind.  I love walking around inside, dreaming of what he is destined to become.  The basement is wonderfully dry - Look!!

Dry, sturdy, strong.  Basement.  What to do with it?

 

 

Happy Veterans Day.  Happy Snow Day.  Happy...

 

Thank you.

 

Blessings and Love

~stephanie


 

Sunday, November 9, 2014
Days have passed since I had been inside the building.  Earlier this morning came weather forecasts of heavy, abundant snowfall in the next day to two days.  I love snow, but this is early.  Well, actually, Wisconsin?  It is typical.  We could have sixty degrees a week later, who knows?  My absolute first reaction startled me as I almost doubled up in a peculiar laughter.  Do you know how close I came to having the total worst scenario at the building?  The worst dilemma which I could be facing right now - talk about stressful - would be the most stable part of the roof to be exposed, four days into a three to four week project.  What then?  Sometimes I come so very, very close...
The delay in the roof repairs is now a godsend.  I did not second guess the decision to wait, but I winced a few times.  It stung.  But I would be faced with an astronomical decision now, given the predictions.
I looked at the building a few times today.  Every single time I do, I am joyful.  He is a miracle in my life which causes me to pendulum between pinching myself for a reality check to a dancing "lovefest" of belief.  I am amazed at this journey with the Matthias building because it was the first time in my whole life I followed my heart and soul.
Must be the snow.  And the holiday season.  I am wistful.  The snow reminds me of that dreadful day late last spring - sitting in my Jeep, in a blizzard, in the parking lot across from the building.  I was bawling my eyes out as I said good-bye to the dream.  My world - all of it - was falling apart.  I was failing at everything I touched.  Ever have those times?
And I kept praying.  Plus, a person just lives.  I mean, you still have to brush your teeth and do your stuff.  Life drumbeats on, nothing stops.... we all keep turning through the latest tempest du jour.  And it could always be worse. 
But that day in the blizzard...
But I could not forget.
I could not.
A month and a half later, I started again.  I found myself looking through the windows, praying, then making the phone call.  That began the process, the journey of which no one seemed surprised that I returned to, except for me.
..... 
I am as unsure why the delay in the roof repair is significant in this part of my journey as I am to what degree it really is.  Maybe it just is "one of those things".  I am just as unsure as why I practically skip through the building, checking on its condition.  I am joyful.  Hopeful.  I always whisper, "I have a funny feeling....". And then I do "the test".  I close my eyes, then turn away.  Turn back.  Open eyes. 

I smile.  Sometimes I laugh.  Once in a while I giggle even. 

Matthias?

Is a dream come true.

Believe.

Love and Blessings,

Thank you.

~stephanie

 

Saturday, November 8, 2014
I miss the building terribly.  Even when I am not there, I find myself learning lessons life provides.... and life, this path, includes the building!  The glass in the Main Street doors have made an amazing difference.  Others have remarked about them, thinking they were different doors and - my favorite - the building no longer looks uncared for.  As it turns out, lots of people around town have lots of ideas for possible future uses of the building.  I love hearing them!
Part of the beauty of the whole path is that it is not immediate.  This process will take time, unfolding, revealing as we go along.  Even as I take care of other things, I find myself wishing for the roof and wondering at how the renovation and the business will unfold.  Seems like the logic I laid out.... well, I need "revision to the vision."  That too is part of the lesson.  How to change. How to be patient.  Mostly:  How to keep going, staying in tune with what has been happening and keep listening to the lessons along the way.  There are plenty of good reasons, from all sorts of angles, why the roof delay is truly a positive outcome in the long run.  Perhaps it gives me the time to fold my life in line with the path, the rebounding or resurfacing after the initial plunge.  Grab some air.  Do it again.
Another brick building owner in town, when we talked of the building, simply shrugged her shoulders when I shared with her, the disappointment of the necessity of waiting for the roof. "So you wait, Steph."
Simple.  Straightforward.
(And, inquiries from future potential tenants!)
Timing.  Timing and time.

Thank you.

Love and Blessings.
~stephanie

Friday, November 7, 2014

Definitions.

Thursday, November 6, 2014
Lessons are hard.  But, as far as the building renovation?  The smaller chimney has been removed;   work continues on the southeast corner chimney (the big, very prominent one).  Everyday I keep thinking that the masons must be done, but they keep repairing.  It is fine, touchy work.

Engineers are still testing the various support beams for the roof.

I am tired...  It is the loveliest type of exhaustion...

Blessings.  Love and Blessings.

Thank you...

~stephanie

Wednesday, November 5, 2014.
More lessons...
The testing of the joists began today.  Masons were not finished, therefore more work on the chimney. And..... The doors' glass panes were installed today!  It looks perfect!  The impact upon the exterior of the building is staggering.  The boards removed, replaced by translucency;  seems as if it was given eyes.  It just seems so fitting.
Discussions abound regarding the garage door.  As it turns, I am smack-dab in the midst of commercial building codes.  Ok.  I need to search for an answer!

And,.... it was a day of inspiration.  I learned something today.  Inspiration (Hence the hat!!)

Blessings.  And Love.  And, thank you.

~stephanie

Tuesday, November 4.
I am still not ready to write about the "lessons of Monday".  Usually before I write, I begin in my head - all day long.  By the time I sit down, my head is ready to explode to get the words and ideas out.  But not this time.  Circles.  My mind is circling without logic or even the dreamiest, loftiest plans and schemes.  I seem unable to paint those sentences.
The lessons were good ones too. Rats.
Perhaps the best lessons are like that, yes?  Because only when faced with tough decisions do I really think about... no, scratch that - I always think.... no it was more a day of "walking the walk" along with "talking the talk".
Matthias and I?  Yep.  The building and I, we are still a team.  And we did make it.  We made it to the roof repair.  And then.....
I had to stop it.
In order to repair the roof, I needed to stop it.  Late winter or early spring the actual work will begin, but in the meantime, in order to repair it correctly - safely and beautifully and preserving the incredible vibe of the building itself - it has to wait.
Matthias and I need to stand.
It was the hardest decision in this whole process - everyone was there, ready.  The engineer:  Present.  We could all force the work to cram it in, hoping for the best of weather, and praying all the way.
Or we could wait.
I wanted it so badly.  The dream - the dream was right there.  The moment of turning the corner....
Wait...
The hardest decision turned out to be the best decision.  But to not listen to the best roofer, the best contractors and a jewel of an engineer?
Foolish. 
Make them rush, perhaps endangering them?
Unforgivable.
Rats!

But, it is a part of the story.  In the meantime, the masons arrived to begin the repairs on the chimney.  At the end of Tuesday the loose bricks are fitted back properly.  The chimney has been tuckpointed.  And they marveled at the beauty, the incredible condition of the original masonry work of the building itself.  "Look, no hairline cracks from any of the corners.". "Look, no buckling on the sides." "Look how straight these wall are."  I could not help but giggle a bit.  They could not help but grin.  Confirmation.  Matthias is a jewel.

As the engineer, the contractors, the roofer and I walked through the building, and once I had made the decision to wait, we all walked through the building.  Again, confirmation.  "The massive steel trusses.". "How thick is this floor?" "Are these walls solid brick?". Matthias definitely is handsome.
(Even from an engineering point of view, which turns out, might be the most practical view at this point!)

...
And that was just a piece of the day... Lessons.  How does one listen to those lessons, learn from them, and yet, continue with the dream?  How does one change that dream?  How does the dream change, knowing that everything in you and outside of you says to keep going, but the path is changed?

You just do.

Thank you!

Love and Blessings
~stephanie

Monday, November 3, 2014

 

 

 

Thank you.

Love and Blessings.... and God's Grace.

~stephanie


Sunday, November 2, 2014.
How is it possibly November already?  It is.  More lumber arrived, along with another huge piece of machinery which looks big enough to be interesting and big enough to be scary.  Tucked in the shadows of the empty lot I truly did not see the scoop part until I was face to face with it!  Earlier in the day I bought the next sized ladder, thinking proudly about how I am progressing!  To tell you the truth even though I am fascinated by construction equipment, I really am a chicken when it comes to these major lifts and dozers.  (Still.... pretty cool... and exciting.. and a bit scary.... and thinking the quiet days of Matthias - the quietness of vacancy - are thankfully over...  Peace and quiet - to come.  Quiet and abandoned?  Over.)
So that is it.  We begin again in the morning with an engineer for everyone involved with the roof repair and replacement.  In the coming week I think the doors will be fitted with new safety glass.  I should call a painter.  I should touch base with garage door carpenters.  I should contact the firm who connected me with an engineer - a miracle especially given the short notice.  I think the sewer lines will be dyed to see to where my roof drains' pipes lead. 
And if I am truly lucky, I will get to use my new eight foot ladder!

Happy Monday!
Thank you.
Love and Blessings.

~stephanie

Saturday, November 1, 2014
All I can say is.... waiting.  Thinking and waiting.  Dreaming a bit too. Oh - and definitely praying for some unseasonably warm weather... just a bit.... maybe two weeks worth.
Talking with another building owner today, I have learned that building codes, state and local, are going to become a way of life.  Well a person does not even have a decision.  If I want a building, I better know my codes.
(To me, shhhhhh.  Don't tell anyone, but I view codes like taxes.  Paying them, either with ones attention or with ones dollars really indicates one thing.  You made it.)
Want a building?  Yes.  You will pay taxes and you need to know codes of all sorts, from parking, construction, and all the systems involved in operation.
Want a business?  Yes.  You will pay taxes.
Okay.

And that's all I have for a Saturday.  Waiting.  Dreaming.  Planning.  Thinking.

And praying.  Always praying....

Love and Blessings and Happiness.

Thank you

~stephanie