Tuesday, October 7, 2014.
Hello...
I think sometimes.... well, pictures.  Perhaps the best ending to today, is sharing pictures.  One is too dark, but to me, when I follow the wonderful line of the building's corners, it reminds me of the prow of a ship.  Tonight in the moonlight it did just that.

.....along with reminding me.... no, scratch that.  Along with staring me down almost in reprimand:

Stand, woman.  Stand. 
This is how you do it.

Blessings and Love.

Thank you.
~stephanie
"Stand"

Monday, October 6, 2014...
More good news and progress than 'not', so.....I would say a successful day!  Insurance adjuster phone call with a planned visit later in the week ~ insurance is always a good thing.  Companies typically shy away from insuring a building which had been on a city's list 'to be demolished'.  But this company came through.
I also ordered the tempered glass for the doors which is exciting as it opens the view of the building and sunlight!  (Plus, ordered five more panes of window glass).
Little by little.
I nailed the second window's piece of trim to cover the gap from the slowly sinking top half of the double hung window.  Does not look too shabby but I am worried about making the last piece look correct.  It has not dropped as much as the other two so the same width trim will actually cover part of the glass panes.  I was going to trim it lengthwise, but I think the best appearance is that of evening out the bottom edge of all three pieces.  Hard to explain.  I will take pictures tomorrow.

But could I be satisfied with nailing the trim board?  (especially after the nailing experience... which showed I have next to none.. I keep telling myself that every time I nail, I will get better at it.  There will be no shortage of nail and hammer activity in the years ahead!).

Well, I may have pushed my luck because I reasoned that since the temperature was well above forty degrees.... well, I should caulk!  Right?  Horrible.  Have I never ever learned?  I think the caulk will be fine, but as I am on the ladder, gusts of wind rolled down the street accompanied by rain.

So I packed up, disgusted with myself, then cleaned a few windows inside.

Logic?  Planning?  Hmmm, not so much.  Immensely satisfying getting that trim up.  And, slight progress with caulking is still progress.

So, I am counting it as a 'plus' day.  Learning.  Always learning.

Amidst tools, glass and putty... a bit of pink.  Pink can be the most.....

Handsomest of colors...

Thank you.

Love and Blessings.
~stephanie

Sunday, October 5, 2014
Ahhhh. Huge sigh of relief, coupled with hope.... and a bit of laughter.  I spent quite a bit of time at the building, ending with a late night walk through upstairs to shine light on the underside of the roof.  My thoughts?  Really?  I am surprised there are no bats - I mean, if I was a bat, I would want to live there (keep your comments to yourself....)!
Seriously though I am amazed at how a bit of progress can lift ones spirits.  I feel hopeful that the weather-sealing work can be finished before January.  Not only finished, but along the way I can keep learning about the hands-on work, keep studying the building as I go along, and keep making progress toward preserving the building and dressing it up.
In order to remove the bullet-hole ridden security-type window pane, I needed to smash it in order to get it out.  Surprising how tough glass can really be.  And surprising the extent to which I do not like to smash things (I kept apologizing to the building.  Yeah, I know).  Got it out though...

I now have one complete window (the right side)....

I think I pushed the limitations of temperature when caulking because hours later, when I was looking for my putty knife (left on window sill - ugh), the putty had oozed down the window like marshmallow crème.  Time for reputtying ala fingers.... seemed to have held - morning will tell for certain.  Still, I am thrilled!  You can see right in - which is daunting in some strange way, but all along I wanted to open up the building so everyone who wished to see 'him', could do so.  I think by doing so, the building reveals its character, what it is meant to become.

Some of the wood framed windows - the main level, double hungs - have dropped from the upper frame due to the age of their internal weight and pulley system.  I won't even attempt to repair them or learn about them this year, but I decided to cover the gap with wood interior trim boards. 

Now here is where I usually come face to face with my idea versus reality versus my abilities.  Sawing trim board.  Nailing.  Hmmm.... Let's just say "It's been awhile.". Clumsy is not even close.  By the time I got to nailing the first and only trim board I got in place, I laughed.  I laughed as I bent nails. I shrieked when I realized I could easily miss the nail, sending a hammer through the glass.  Eventually?  Did it.  Not with super do-it-yourself finesse.  But did it.  And it looks pretty doggone good.

As I worked, this October day quickly darkened into evening.  As I walked in and out, on one of many 'oops I forgot' trips back to my work area inside, my eyes caught, for the first time, the building being lit up.  It looked.... He looked.....

Alive.

 

Isn't he positively charming / vibrant / alive and tough?

 

Happiness.

 

May you be Blessed.  Love.

 

Thank you!!!

 

~stephanie

Saturday, October 4, 2014.
Hi!

I would like to think I always have some profound thought or clever observation or something-something-something....

Truth is... sometimes....I just like scraping and chopping away at old putty to replace windows and listening to music and dreaming...

All at the same time.

Plus, I know someday I will be worried about other things.... I know I will look back at these days... The days when I worried about a roof, prayed for sunshine - three days straight, PLEASE!!, and hoped ....

And I will smile, thanking God for the wildness and beauty and adventure of this path...

And I will probably sniffle a bit with tears because this journey will have brought me lessons of the heart...

From a building...

So today?  I scrape and chop with a grateful heart.

Blessings.  And Love..

~Stephanie

yep, i know.....

Friday, October 3, 2014.
Among the worries and fears and doubts (and.... rain - ugh!), today delivered relief.  Actually relief is not quite the right word because I did not even realize the extent to which I needed a positive sign of some sort.  Looking back over the past five weeks I had been so focused on the looming winter and the equally worrisome Phase I deadline, I just kept thinking about what I can realistically do, then charge ahead.  Do it. Don't get sick. Do a bit of research, then do it the best I can.
The good news?  I believe I have someone who will build carriage doors for the Genesee Street side garage door.  Did I ever share with you the historic photo showing the carriage doors?

 

 



 I was quite surprised to get the phone call, then the visit for measurements and discussion of materials!  Oh man, was I happy.  Thrilled.  I felt a glimmer of hope again.  Not that I seriously doubt the renovation will work or that someday I will see the business housed here, but once in awhile a person needs an umpf!  There is plenty of elephant to chomp upon.... sharing the effort feels good, especially when we are talking craftsmanship.  And that is where I draw my line of limitations.  I am no carpenter or woodworking craftsman.  The carriage door is a piece of the puzzle that someone else held.  As I told them, I could install a standard garage door (and I still might have to...I don't count my chickens.... you know?).  But if I have a chance to put in place a historically correct door, one that truly does honor the building, then I should pursue it! Yes? Yes.
I just hope I have my timing correct.  In the time it takes to plan, prepare, and create the door,  I am hoping the roof will be replaced.  Hope. Hope. Hope.  Have faith, have faith, have faith.  Take care of it, take care...... manage it, Steph.  Manage it. 
I was reminded of that lesson today as I talked with the craftsmen.  The building and this project - this 'beyond-a-project' project humbles me.  A great deal.  Early on I was amazed at how I needed to stretch beyond what I knew of myself in order to save the building.  I don't even like to say 'save' because the building is actually the one which saved me. At least that is how I look at it.  I feel like God put me on this path to learn a bunch - and I mean a bunch - of lessons.  This path of loving a building so much that in order to not see it ripped apart, I had to stretch... reach... fail... think... feel... and most importantly... go on.
Anyway, one fear I had early on was that I am no leader nor manager despite my studies, an MBA, my age and my life experiences.  Nope. Not a classic manager.  But as I visited the building and swept inside and dreamed and carried-on with daily life, I began to think:  what is a manager?  What is a business owner?  Why am I doubting?  What are you, Steph?  What do you do?....
I care.  I care for things.  I have taken care of people.  I took care.  (I did not state I always did it well..). But like anyone, you just do what you do.   Is that not what a manager is?  Management implies care. So, I must learn it, revise it, better what I do.... in order to succeed.  And success here means.....  The dream.  The dream of the business, here, located HERE.... in this building... this grand brick, perfect size, building.. Matthias...
Insert huge *sigh*....
Yep, a lesson in management.  As soon as I start crowing on and on about it though, I catch myself.  Passion is countered with the realities of scraping windows...
Yet, it is no fun scraping without passion.  So management ala' me might be a balance of humbled passion and realities of scraping, puttying, and painting.  And the grandest of timekeepers (especially in Wisconsin):  Mother Nature.
Autumn..... tick tock, Steph.....the alarm is set for Winter....
How did I get so Blessed with this path?  If there ever was a tailor-made journey of lessons, this is it. 

So, we will see.  This path is no short journey.  Years.  That is what I like about it.  There is no way to do it fast.  Both the building and I need a great deal of work... and those efforts and the results from them, those are only accomplished with time.

 Time, and a bit of magic!
(Ok, and putty.....)

May your weekend be.... sweet.  It's the weekend!  Blessings and love. God's peace too. And grace...
~stephanie

Thursday, October 2, 2014..



 

Inside, among lights of the street and shadows...

 

 

I got to thinking.... the roof won't totally collapse, crashing into the concrete of the second level flooring... nope.  How could I not think of this earlier?  I have had visions of a total domino effect if the roof gave way under the pressure of rain-soaked wood.  The four huge steel trusses!  They lie upon brick and mortar bump-outs of the exterior west and east walls!  (They aren't going anywhere..).  Plus, let's 'for instance'.  What if the roof partially collapsed?  What would I do differently?  Would it change what I am doing? 

 

 

I would not do anything differently.  Isn't that the strangest realization?  I would cry.  I would have a massive clean-up effort on the inside, but structurally the building would not harmed by it.

 

However, I am not going to write on and on about it.... because I had only yesterday dreamed of watching the coming snows.... and, it is quite possible we will see our first snows on Saturday!

(Me and my big mouth!)

 

More rain this evening.  So much so I decided not to even clean grout, but I would sip a cup of coffee, sitting on my little perch, tucked in...

 

He seemed to lullaby me, with words of ..."Come.  Come, we are just beginning."

 

Love and Blessings,

 

~stephanie

 

Wednesday, October 1, 2014.
I have no new photos to share.... I always find something and I did, but.... well, maybe it is one of those evenings to tell about it because a picture could not and did not do it any justice. I could post an older picture, but it just is not one of those nights either.  It is a new night!  Sometimes (and I love to reminisce) a person just aches to sit back and look back... but.... well, why don't I just tell you already?
The weather.  It is always about the weather!  Drizzly, off and on.  Too damp to caulk.  If I would have planned better, I could have ordered more window panes to replace the metal-framed clouded-glass panes - those I caulk from the inside.  My second choice was cleaning windows, but it might be double effort due to the caulking process.  TSP'ing the grout around the glass block - perfect for a damp evening and logical step in the total process.
I am always amazed at how fulfilling a step forward can be, no matter how small the step.  One triple window = one hour of work.  Worth it.  Just a tiptoe forward...
I still think of the lessons of the building:  Every day, during the day when I am not there, and especially when I am there working.  Sometimes it happens like this:  Each time I go to work at the building, I thank God for my gorilla-glued handled alley door.  I unlock the door (visualizing how it will look with tempered glass and painted and a kick plate on the bottom (is that the real name?  Not sure), being greeted by the building's warmth.... as if a breath.... The entryway is welcoming but a bit cluttered with debris from crumbling plaster.  Every day I hop through a trail.  Tonight?  I swept a clean path for myself.  I kept telling myself to focus upon the exterior work.  Leave anything inside for winter.... even a path so that every time I walk in, it looks tidy.  And every time I have a visitor, they walk in to this incredible space from an entry way which is truly as inviting as it can be right now.
Sweeping my own path clean...
Lesson two:  Not really a lesson at all, but an experience... an observation... a gift from the building...
Before I left I stood looking at the main level thinking again how perfect a size he is.  Not over-big.  No chance of being scrunched either.  Perfect.  And I remembered all those nights peering through the alley windows, checking on him, and dreaming of what it would be like to own the building, hoping God's path for me included the chance to own it, and imagining what we would become. Oh!  I loved the street lights shining through the windows!
It has been a month - actually five weeks - that I have owned the building. All this time I would stand in the main level, looking at those same street lights and their shadows.... feeling Blessed and crazy happy and excited and scared all at the same time as I could now turn 360 degrees to look at him.  But tonight, for the first time, I looked at my favorite spot among the windows..... and it was as if the building was saying "Come.  Come sit here.  Sit inside your dream."
It took me a few tries before I found the spot along those windows, sitting on the wide plank sills.  I thought it would be dazzling.  I thought it would be this euphoric heavenly foggy-lensed experience of vision.
Nope.  It was better.
I sat there among the fallen plaster which has been stained from corroded rebar.  A few spider webs too.  I had never sat there, inside the dream, in an intimacy with a building which has captured my heart and I have no clue why.  From that perch I looked back at where I had peered from the other side of the windows and where I had twirled inside, in happiness.  Now I sat in the streams of street lights cushioned with the building's own shadows.  Those pillars stood,  they stand.... sentinel-like, holding up what they were meant to, no matter what.  They stand.
From my spot.... it was the first time that I saw the building illuminated by the light.  Oh!  I just realized.... it was as if I became the audience.... and the building....
...Was on stage.
Just as it was meant to be.

Did I tell you I decided on a name?  The building is Matthias.  Saint Matthias, known as the Lucky One.  (It fits on the nameplate too.... A nameplate that has never ever had a name carved upon it.  God-willing, it will be Matthias...)

I thank God for this incredible journey..  May yours be Blessed with good fortune and love... Always love.
Thank you.
~stephanie